Few years ago, i madly in love with a guy that had made me felt that i couldnt live without him.
My world was him amd i never let anyone filled the empty space of my heart. Yes only him. In short, he was my dream guy. We publicly showed that we were really loved each other in media social till something happened that made me felt broken and fell apart. Started from the incident both of us deleted the pictures of us.

By that time, i realized that love may changed so did the human. I grieved and cried every time i performed prayer. I hoped Allah made me strong to continue  my life as i did before. I got no one to tell my sad love story. Then I told mom about this because i got no closed friend that i truly believed on tgag time. For the first time in my life i cried for a guy who had stole my entire heart. In returned mom did scold me and she said that i was too early to be into love thingy. Inside, i felt like i wanted to shout at her because she didnt understood how sad and frustrated i am.

Few months or almost a year i grieved of my life and kept asked myself why did i had to go through this feeling. It was really painful and my heart felt been stabbed few times till it tore  into pieces. I felt demotivated and every second i kept thinking of him which i tried so hard not to do so. Ynfortunately i failed. I started to busy myself with something beneficial in hoping that i could stoped thinking of him for a while. I started to join usrah and went to knowledgeable and religious talks. I did miss my old version of me.

Luckily we reunited as he apologized to me what he had done and promised the same thing wouldnt happen again. Because i still loved him, i did accept him back and my heart flattered and life became happy again.

However, that was a history. In reality i did married to a guy that i didnt  know at all. He was a stranger that passed by which used to say hi to me. Never imagine that i married to a complete stranger who became a dearest person to my life. Never thought i will spend for the rest of my life with him. Never thought that he was the one that out of nowhere proposed me to marry him. Never imagined my dad just simply said yes when i told him about this eventhough he didnt know who was that guy. Never thought that i had to hurt the most dearest person to me. Never imagined that everything went so fast. It was like a flash of light strike a tree and in a flip second the tree burnt. I didnt have any odeas how to explained, and didnt know what i was done. Everything happened so fast.

That was my story of how did i married to my husband. I unintentionally did hurt someone’s life which i planned to keep his  heart very well because i used to feel how painful it was been hurt by someone who was so dear to us. I failed but i didnt regret of what happened. Some things we could plan and alhamdulillah if it happened as it way but some didnt. We were only a small and contempted servant. We forgot who was our creator till we thought that we could mould every thing in life based on what we dreamed for. We were just a small tiny little creature and since we birth jodoh ajal and dead had been written in Luh Mahfuz. Who were we to prevent things from happen?

Redha.. yes we need to redha

Since the first day i work i stay at my friend’s house. Two weeks before maternity leaves i ended contract with the landlord. The house actually very nice but the problem is the landlord. Five of us really upset with her since the day that we asked her to repair the broken pipe and lamp in the toilet. I ve been asked her to fix those things almost four months and at last we called the plumber by ourselves and used our own money in return we hope that she will deduct our monthly rental cost. Unfortunately, she didnt with reason that based on agreement stated that anything in the house that broken caused by the tenant is under tenant’s responsiblity. Before this, we never read the agreement carefully till that day. What we could conclude from the agreement was biased. The agreement really berat sebelah and all the shits happened inside the house is under our responsibility. She just lepas tangan and what she replied to us every time if we asked or requested to fix something is “refer to the agreement”.

Starting this november i will move out into a new house. Surely that i will really miss my ex housemates. The new house isnt far from the previous house. It just opposite to the old residence. The house looks new to me and all the things inside still look new and intact.

I wish november comes fast and i also wish this year end faster. Cannot wait to enter new year. I would like to reset my new year determination. Hope for the better next year. 

I travel alot recently because every weekend i need to rush back to my hometown to see my beloved daughter. I feel guilty because i cant raise her up by my own since my husband and me are working in different state and our weekend is different. Plus i need  to bring back all the milk which i fill it in storage bag. I put some ice inside the cooler to maintain the milk cold. 

Haishhh.. cant wait to see both, husband and daughter. I miss them so badly..

I pray this long distance relationship will end soon... aminn

Everyone in this house is sleeping and it still early. Clock shows 9.40 something and im the only one who is fully awake. My husband doesnt feel so well since early morning.He got diarrhea and frequently went to toilet  and vommit as well. This was the first time i saw him sick since we married for a year plus.  He went to see doctor this morning and went to work late. Doctor asked him either he want an Mc or not amd he refused. If i became him i definitely took mc and rest at home. Hehehe.
Luckily he didnt get fever and just having minor headache. After dinner he took  some meds given by doctor and went to bed for sleep. My 2months old daughter, Amni went sleep early too. The house totally in silence.

Being a mother and wife is not an easy task. Sometimes i lost my patience. My daughter always crying in the midnight while evryone was sleeping, she's awake. Hubs and me had to sacrifice our sleep as well to taking care of Amni. She will slept the whole day and only woke up for some molk and continued sleep and during midnight everyone has to wake up like her. Alhamdulillah as days passed she slowly could understand between days and night and she seldomly crying as well. She also could smile if we tried to talked to her and seems she understood what i was trying to say to her. Alhamdulillah.

Last week was the first time we took Amni to the Zenith Hotel in Kuantan because there was held a family day of my hubs plant, Petronas Ethylene Polyetehylene and it was my first time too joined their family day program. Unfortunately, we didnt joined the dinner since Amni's mood wasnt good. She was a bit cranky and crying unstoppable. Me and her stayed inside the room while my hubs went to the opposit mall to find out some foods for dinner.

Next month we will travel to Kuala Lumpur and this will be Amni's first travelog story out of Terengganu. Hopefully she will behave along the journey and im a bit nervous too bringing this little one to travel further and longer. But its okay. This is just a preparation for her before join hubs and me to Kashmir next year. If Amni can walk by that time we plan to bring her along and if she cant we have to leave her. Im sorry kid.

Its already 10.30 and my eyes still fresh as well. I wanna share lot of things unfortunately i get no mood to write up. Insyaallah later i will update. Last but not least just a reminder for me and those who came accross reading my humble blog.
"Jangan pernah salahkan takdir, kerana Tuhan itu Maha Mengetahui. Percaya dan terima setiap yg terjadi itu ada hikmahnya"

Good night

Learn to be grateful.
Keep walking slowly and constantly
Everything will be fine
No matter how people let you down
Just believe if all universe keep you up
No one may push you down

Trust in uref
Believe in your dreams
Just go and chase what you want
Just go...

I was talking to my husband regarding what i want to achieve in my future life.
Actually it was more about what i felt regarding my job.
I would like to do something different instead of went to work everyday, did the same thing like treated patients upon their request which were normally scaling, filling, extraction and denture. I felt bored by doing the same thing everyday, repeatedly. I would like to do some other things that general dentist could do like crown, bridge, minor oral surgery and so on. It was my mistake too, rejected an offer last few  months  to be a permament officer in oral maxillofacial surgery department. I did interested to oral surgery but the other part that i tried to avoid was oncall. I didnt want to work other than office hour. I felt a bit regret of my own decision.

Hubs told me that if i would like to pursue my study, then he offered to pay for examinations fee. I need to pass two papers called MJDF Part 1&2 before applied for scholarship and specialty that i interested to. I thought twice about this because one paper cost about 4k and both will cost about 8k. And no matter what i need to struggle and make it pass.

Till now, i didnt know what i want to do. Felt that i lost my life track...

It is Ramadhan 10th already. Time flies so fast. This is the 2nd Ramadhan i celebrate with my husband but this year is a bit different compared to last uear. We've been in a long distance relationship for almost a year since he decided to buy a house nearby to his workplace. Every weekend i will go back to my home if my name wasnt listed as standby officer for oncall. I will have oncall at my own clinic straight for 10days, luckily there wasnt many cases during oncall and gratefully that we, officers only have passive oncall. So just stay at home, relax and wait for the calls. Along 5months i just attended 2 cases because in Gambang there wasnt any cases at all.

Cannot wait for a long cuti raya soon. This Hari Raya also a bit different compared to previous raya because we will have additional member of family. Insyaallah.

Husband m got meeting in Kedah and tomorrow he will return. Usually every weekend he will pick me up here and send me back after he finish work on Sunday. Im grateful enough to have him as my husband. The person who has enough time to spend with me even though we hardly to see each other on weekdays but we still got time to meet up on weekend. It is true that long distance relationship is really hard.

I called mom right after finish work unfortunately she didnt pick up my call and i called dad. He said mom was out with her friend to shop new curtains. Mom looked so excited to celebrate this coming raya and a new family member soon. I rarely talked more than five minutes with dad and usually i will spoke about something really important. Opposite with mom, i could talk to her more than hours gossiping here and there with her. May Allah protect my parents and grant them the highest level of paradise.

Last night i was dreaming of you. How could i forget u? Ive got no idea. U always appeared in my dream every time i try to do so. I accept the reality of our life that we are never ever getting back together. The harder i tried the more failures ive been through.

Im happy with my current life though i know that i will unable to forget a person like u. Im living with a new person, new characters, new physical looking, new love and so on...
may all of us be granted happiness here n hereafter. Aminn

I dont know how many new post i have written and most of the time i didnt publish it. I know no one will come cross to this blog since i stop promote it to the public. My broken english is one of the reason why i lost my confidence to let people know and read every single entry i had posted before.

Yesterday was a mother's day. Most people proudly wrote mother's day wishes to their mom. I do wish to my mom as well and she requested a multifunction vacum after she watched it at cjwowshop. I wondered what modernization has done to my mom. Because she's the only mom i have, of course saying "No" was definitely the right word. She was so happy after i made purchase. Anything for you mom, as long as u are happy.

While im writing this, it already 11.54pm. Tomorrow i need to attend a course at hospital. Every time i went to hospital it reminds me of someone that i unable to forget. The person used to be someone who was so dearly ro me but my fate was written that we will.never be together. I didnt want to bring up the past story of us again since he and me got our own life. Sometime he appeared in my dream thats the reason why forgetting that person really hard for me.

Dont be mistakenly judge me through what i had written. I do love my husband. All is because of the memories we had shared years before. They were too much to be get rid of. Im trying but still some of those beautiful ones really hard to be erased from my mind. I didnt care if the person totally forget me because he has his own life too. And surely he's already move on and trying to build up his life with his loved one. May god bless him always. Never thought our life turned out to be this way. We both settled down with unexpected person of our life. That what we said as "Jodoh".

its getting late already and i need to sleep now. May allah bless my journey in life and hereafter. I do forgive everyone for any wrongdoings to me and i hope i will be forgiven too.. good night

I cant close my eys after being forced so many times.
My mind lingering of something that i also cannot understand.
I spoke to my husband few minutes ago asked me to accompany me till i sleep.
Unfortunately he needs to go out to find out mineral water due to thirsty.
He might be tired along this week because he had to clean out the house alone by himself.
We just renovated and fixed up some parts of the house and caused it to be messy.
He told me that he already cleaned out some areas so that i can use and stay comfortably.
Thank u so much my dear and annoyed husband.
I know u struggle alot to keep me love u while i as usual, cannot express well of my feelings eventhough deep inside i am really touched. Cannot wait to decorate our 1st house too. Living hall is the only area left to be fixed up while others already settled.
Im quite excited to decorate the house, buy furnitures, curtains and all those related stuffs.
IItis our first house. Eventhough it isnt that big, im grateful at least my husband could afford to buy a house. He said he bought the house because of me too. He wants me to be comfortable living with him. Thanks allah for giving me the best husband.

Every weekend he will pick me up except if he has to work on weekend due to closing.
But this week we are going to participate his office's family day at Cherating. As usual, i always worry on how do i look, and how to mingle around with his colleagues.im an introvert type of person. I feel awkward to start a conversation first. Hopefully that i can mingle around well and make new friends tomorrow.

Back to work. It has been so long time i didnt complaint about my job. I love my job. We got a new boss and she's very humble and friendly. I like her so much. Currently in our clinic, there are 5 officers. Alhamdulillah all of them are so nice. This month, my name was listed in oncall list. I have to standby for passive oncall about 9 days. Luckily, there was no case at all along my duty. Heheh. Next month i also have an oncall for 10days. Hopefully everything will be smooth. What i like most working here is because of the oncall. We just need to standby at home and only come to clinic if there is a case. The best part is we also can claim the oncall hour. Heheh.

Okay. I write too much this time. Goodnight....

Cannot wait for this week comes to the end.
I wanna see you very badly
And i miss you too...