Ive been keeping this matter for longer time. Talking to my colleagues about silly things is the only solace. Almost cry whenever i told them how difficult it was when i had to survive alone by myself during pregnant because we were in long distance relationship. I was so emotional.
I had to admit that i was fragile too came to workplace this morning. My puffy eyes couldnt be hide anymore. Thank god i had glassess to cover those eyes though i knew some people would notice.
My emotions wasnt stable not sure which hormone triggered my unstable emotions.I burst out into tears. Couldnt remember ecxactly why then i felt relieved a bit and shy as i never cried in front of them before.
Believe or not, im sure that i will miss them if i my transfer application success😐

I thought that i would stop writing and today after long hiatus im writing again. It is not because i dont miss writing but it is because some things happened in my life i prefer to keep it for me. I have a big trust issue telling certain of  my stories to people around me even to the closed one. So writing here is the best way as i dont have many followers following my stories.

My dear daughter grows up fast. She just turned 2 years old for the past 2months ago. Unfortunately, my husband  and i were super busy this time so we couldnt manage to celebrate her 2nd birthday like previous year. Big thanks to her teachers at nursery cz celebrated and really made her day with few gifts and goodies  as well. I just bought a secret recipe cake for her.. hmm

About my job, nothing interesting happened. I just enjoyed my time working in this current clinic. What made me sad was i had to apply transfer out of Terengganu following my husband to Kl. I was sad as i thought Terengganu will be my last place that i work before i retired. Yeah sometimes things happen the other way round. Me and husband got to see each other during weekend only. I was totally exhausted living a life like this. 

The other big thing happened was i already submitted a loan purchasing a house. Thanks to husband for providing 10% downpayment as i didnt have enough money to pay for  the downpayment. He asked me not to use my money as he said that he would help me getting the house as well. Alhamdulillah for this continous  blessing  and rezki cz we both have our own house. I mean u got your own and i got mine..

Alhamdulillah for everything...

I woke up early this morning. Took shower before i performed subuh prayer. As the freaking cold water hit my body, my brain sent signal to body and it started to shiver as a response. I rub my body with a rose shower cream. The smell went deep into my nostril and made me ecstatic with the sweet scent of the rose.

I put a green kebaya and matched with olive colour shawl. Could see that the kebaya looked loose to me as i expected that i’d lost so much weight lately but still i avoid to check my current weight. I didnt know why but everyone i met said that i looked thinner than before. My husband also worried about drastically weight loss i had, he suggested me to check with a doctor. I was so freaking afraid to see doctor since my mind been manipulated with lot of negativity thoughts regarding this matter.
It was raining heavily and i could see through the door of my home that neighbour used an umbrella while carrying his two kids. I took an initiative to go early to work because i didnt want to stuck in tarffic jammed. Since my stomach already growling, i went to kitchen and grabba packet of instant onion flour to make cekofok bawang.
It took me less than 10minutes to finish cooking th cekodok bawang and i packed them into the purplish rectangular tupperware. Didnt know whose tupperware it is, i thought it’s mom as she used to make tupperware as her personal collections back then.
I arrived clinic 5minutes before 8. It was sweet and nice time of arrival. Could see few patients were waiting outside the clinic because the “closed” sign still hanging at the main door.
I entered into the treatment room and put a blue disposable gown on with a face mask tighten back of my head. I did finish with patients at almost 11 o’clock and rest in officer room.

Out of nowhere, my ffriend suddenly asked me to accompany her for weight check up because  our penimbang was broken almost a year. I waited for her to finish measuring her weight then i did mine. My weight really surprised me because i never had that kind of weight before. The lightest weight ive ever had throughout my life.

I didnt know what to do. I thought that i just  need to find something that i loved to eat in order to gain weight in addition to maintain an ideal BMI.. That’s the best way for this time being.

I got so many stories to write. Due to time constrained, i will updated in the next entry.

I wish this week move fast. I really cannot wait this coming 15th of January. I will be report my duty in Terengganu. On that day i will know where is my workplace. I already called the person incharged regarding transfer matter, en amir. He said 7 officers will be move out from Terengganu and 5 officers will be coming in and im one of the 5. For the time being, there will be vacancies in several clinics. Besut district is one of the critical district which demand a few senior officers there.  Hopefully im not the one that will be chose to serve there. Heheh.

Ive been told few clinics need to be occupied with new officers siluch as Kp Utc and orals urgery department in hsnz, kp hosp kemaman and 3 more are in Besut. I request to work in UTC since two vacancies there, but i dont know if my request will ne accepted or not.

I dont really like working in a new place because i meed to adapt with a new environment, new people etc. Whatever it is, i hope everything will be fine.

Few years ago, i madly in love with a guy that had made me felt that i couldnt live without him.
My world was him amd i never let anyone filled the empty space of my heart. Yes only him. In short, he was my dream guy. We publicly showed that we were really loved each other in media social till something happened that made me felt broken and fell apart. Started from the incident both of us deleted the pictures of us.

By that time, i realized that love may changed so did the human. I grieved and cried every time i performed prayer. I hoped Allah made me strong to continue  my life as i did before. I got no one to tell my sad love story. Then I told mom about this because i got no closed friend that i truly believed on tgag time. For the first time in my life i cried for a guy who had stole my entire heart. In returned mom did scold me and she said that i was too early to be into love thingy. Inside, i felt like i wanted to shout at her because she didnt understood how sad and frustrated i am.

Few months or almost a year i grieved of my life and kept asked myself why did i had to go through this feeling. It was really painful and my heart felt been stabbed few times till it tore  into pieces. I felt demotivated and every second i kept thinking of him which i tried so hard not to do so. Ynfortunately i failed. I started to busy myself with something beneficial in hoping that i could stoped thinking of him for a while. I started to join usrah and went to knowledgeable and religious talks. I did miss my old version of me.

Luckily we reunited as he apologized to me what he had done and promised the same thing wouldnt happen again. Because i still loved him, i did accept him back and my heart flattered and life became happy again.

However, that was a history. In reality i did married to a guy that i didnt  know at all. He was a stranger that passed by which used to say hi to me. Never imagine that i married to a complete stranger who became a dearest person to my life. Never thought i will spend for the rest of my life with him. Never thought that he was the one that out of nowhere proposed me to marry him. Never imagined my dad just simply said yes when i told him about this eventhough he didnt know who was that guy. Never thought that i had to hurt the most dearest person to me. Never imagined that everything went so fast. It was like a flash of light strike a tree and in a flip second the tree burnt. I didnt have any odeas how to explained, and didnt know what i was done. Everything happened so fast.

That was my story of how did i married to my husband. I unintentionally did hurt someone’s life which i planned to keep his  heart very well because i used to feel how painful it was been hurt by someone who was so dear to us. I failed but i didnt regret of what happened. Some things we could plan and alhamdulillah if it happened as it way but some didnt. We were only a small and contempted servant. We forgot who was our creator till we thought that we could mould every thing in life based on what we dreamed for. We were just a small tiny little creature and since we birth jodoh ajal and dead had been written in Luh Mahfuz. Who were we to prevent things from happen?

Redha.. yes we need to redha

Since the first day i work i stay at my friend’s house. Two weeks before maternity leaves i ended contract with the landlord. The house actually very nice but the problem is the landlord. Five of us really upset with her since the day that we asked her to repair the broken pipe and lamp in the toilet. I ve been asked her to fix those things almost four months and at last we called the plumber by ourselves and used our own money in return we hope that she will deduct our monthly rental cost. Unfortunately, she didnt with reason that based on agreement stated that anything in the house that broken caused by the tenant is under tenant’s responsiblity. Before this, we never read the agreement carefully till that day. What we could conclude from the agreement was biased. The agreement really berat sebelah and all the shits happened inside the house is under our responsibility. She just lepas tangan and what she replied to us every time if we asked or requested to fix something is “refer to the agreement”.

Starting this november i will move out into a new house. Surely that i will really miss my ex housemates. The new house isnt far from the previous house. It just opposite to the old residence. The house looks new to me and all the things inside still look new and intact.

I wish november comes fast and i also wish this year end faster. Cannot wait to enter new year. I would like to reset my new year determination. Hope for the better next year. 

I travel alot recently because every weekend i need to rush back to my hometown to see my beloved daughter. I feel guilty because i cant raise her up by my own since my husband and me are working in different state and our weekend is different. Plus i need  to bring back all the milk which i fill it in storage bag. I put some ice inside the cooler to maintain the milk cold. 

Haishhh.. cant wait to see both, husband and daughter. I miss them so badly..

I pray this long distance relationship will end soon... aminn

Everyone in this house is sleeping and it still early. Clock shows 9.40 something and im the only one who is fully awake. My husband doesnt feel so well since early morning.He got diarrhea and frequently went to toilet  and vommit as well. This was the first time i saw him sick since we married for a year plus.  He went to see doctor this morning and went to work late. Doctor asked him either he want an Mc or not amd he refused. If i became him i definitely took mc and rest at home. Hehehe.
Luckily he didnt get fever and just having minor headache. After dinner he took  some meds given by doctor and went to bed for sleep. My 2months old daughter, Amni went sleep early too. The house totally in silence.

Being a mother and wife is not an easy task. Sometimes i lost my patience. My daughter always crying in the midnight while evryone was sleeping, she's awake. Hubs and me had to sacrifice our sleep as well to taking care of Amni. She will slept the whole day and only woke up for some molk and continued sleep and during midnight everyone has to wake up like her. Alhamdulillah as days passed she slowly could understand between days and night and she seldomly crying as well. She also could smile if we tried to talked to her and seems she understood what i was trying to say to her. Alhamdulillah.

Last week was the first time we took Amni to the Zenith Hotel in Kuantan because there was held a family day of my hubs plant, Petronas Ethylene Polyetehylene and it was my first time too joined their family day program. Unfortunately, we didnt joined the dinner since Amni's mood wasnt good. She was a bit cranky and crying unstoppable. Me and her stayed inside the room while my hubs went to the opposit mall to find out some foods for dinner.

Next month we will travel to Kuala Lumpur and this will be Amni's first travelog story out of Terengganu. Hopefully she will behave along the journey and im a bit nervous too bringing this little one to travel further and longer. But its okay. This is just a preparation for her before join hubs and me to Kashmir next year. If Amni can walk by that time we plan to bring her along and if she cant we have to leave her. Im sorry kid.

Its already 10.30 and my eyes still fresh as well. I wanna share lot of things unfortunately i get no mood to write up. Insyaallah later i will update. Last but not least just a reminder for me and those who came accross reading my humble blog.
"Jangan pernah salahkan takdir, kerana Tuhan itu Maha Mengetahui. Percaya dan terima setiap yg terjadi itu ada hikmahnya"

Good night